Dhoom Kaboom

Watched Dhoom-2 this weekend. I don't mind it, the mindless masala. Don't know how to bill this blockbuster movie. Lets call it Chicken Tikka Masala. Read somewhere that Tikka Masala, the most popular Indian dish in the 'Motherland' is not an Indian dish at all. It sounds Indian, it tastes Indian but is a western concept of an Indian dish. Like something an Indian chef would make to please his Brit customers. I know it is an International quality movie because they kissed on-screen and there were skinny women in skimpy clothes.

Just for fun, lets imagine Dhoom-2 being made by some other film maker.

Say, if our own beloved Captain Vijayakanth was the cop to whom the International robber A's case was brought:

Some incredibly dumb looking extra: But why, when not even one robbery has taken place in India, and no proof or suspicion that the thief is of Indian origin present, do we break our heads on this case?
Captain: Hey! (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) Do you not know about Indian police? We are the best in the whole world. Even if God himself were to commit a crime, we would go knock on his door the next day with an arrest warrant. The average time the Indian police take to solve a crime is 23.45% the time that Scotland yard takes. Why! if I was asked to find Osama Bin Laden, I would have him behind bars before he can say Al-Qaeda.

If the King of Tikka Masalas, Mr. Karan Johar were to direct D-2

A (in Rio house): Om Jai Jagadish Hare... Swami ...
Sunehri: A thief and, like, a devout thief at that, like, uh? like uh?
A: B'coz one lives away from India doesn't mean one forgets India. I may live one month in Brasil, one in Cairo, one in Korea, another in Johannesburg and travel worldwide but I carry a bit of my own country wherever I go (shows a bagful of Bharat Maa ki mitti). In the heart of hearts, I am an Indian.

btw, heard the Madame Tussads people are very angry that somebody stole Aishwarya Rai's wax statue, chipped-off a few kilos and used it in this movie. Really angry.

From the Ashes

Sporting events are infinitely more popular in Australia than in India. Granted, that most cricket matches are sold out in India and followed closely by one and all. But it is only cricket that has such strong following. Here, people would turn out in numbers to watch anything, even Lawn Bowls. So, it was no surprise when the tour opener of Ashes, played in Canberra drew a full house. I had an amazing view, seated close to the sightscreen. Why! I could judge LBW appeals from where I sat (that one pitched outside off. No way he is getting a wicket)

The match between the Prime Ministers XI and the visiting team every summer is a Canberran tradition. A tradition held as dear as the Boxing Day test. And when it is the Poms, it is somehow more special.

Last year, the Freddie-led Poms had managed to regain the Ashes after 16 years. Quite undeservingly if you ask me. Revenge was in the lips of every Aussie cricket lover. And boy! what a welcome we gave them.

Fielding a full side, England lost the tour opener to a PM's XI team that did not boast of even one experienced international player, by a margin of 166 runs. Fringe players, Phil Jacques and Shaun Tait proved their mettle with the bat and ball respectively. The star batsmen, Trescothick, Pietersen and Flintoff were tamed, bowlers Giles and Mahomood were slaughtered, hit all around the park.

If it was any indication of things to come, this Ashes series is going to be a no-contest. In the best interests of cricket, I hope it isn't so that we all can enjoy a stimulating series.

Horses and other horse crap

Delta Blue won the Melbourne Cup yesterday. If you ask Delta who?, all I can say is that it is a Japanese horse that ran the historical 3200m at Flemington to rake in $3.85 million. The race also proved that not only Japanese cars but horses as well are the best in the world. Not bad, uh? The irony of the race is that the japanese horse won by a nose-length. (If you didn't get it, it was a Japanese horse. Still didn't get it... can't help you mate)

'So what??', one may wonder. Melbourne Cup is a national event in Australia, followed by pretty much everyone in the country (and many overseas). Nearly 2.3 million Australians watched it on TV. Why! it is a public holiday in Melbourne. The total betting involved is estimated to be near $140 million. So, it is real big. Huge.

That of course, doesn't mean I get it.

Now for some horse crap. Watched 'Manathodu Mazhaikalam'. This movie made me want to throw up. I can't imagaine they let them make movies like this. If they had too much money, they could give it to charity. Why! I would be more than willing to take it off them. Just don't make movies like these. Please. Have seen a string of disappointments. Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu failed to impress. Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehnaa was spectacularly irritating. (I used to adore Shah Rukh but now he gets on my nerves). Contrast that against the last three English movies I watched. 'Three burials of Melquiades Estrada', 'Crash' and 'The Pianist'. Incomparable.

I could say more about the deplorable state of Indian cinema but Mani's Guru isn't far-off and I'll not make any hasty judgements. btw, looks like they had a pre-launch function, whatever that is supposed to mean. Heres to Guru.