Mars and Venus

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. I never did resolve the mystery of the whole Venus and Mars thing, either. And I never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well,the passion started to heat up, and she abruptly stopped and said "I don't feel like it, I just want you to HOLD me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she said the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went home.

The very next day I opted to take the day off to spend time with her. We went out to a nice romantic lunch by the lake and then went shopping to David Jones (a big, expensive department store, where you get everything from Armani to Zucci Golf). I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits and selected a Gucci and a La Prada. She couldn't decide which one to take and I told her we'll just buy them both. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, and I suggested that she get a pair for each outfit.

We passed by the beauty section and she bought her make-up; lipsticks from Colose, face packs from Yves Rocher, Rouge, etc. etc while I smilingly stood by and even selected colours. Fragrance wafted by, and she jazzed to the Perfume section and got herself a Chanel.

We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of pearl drops for her ears. And I still had my indulgent smile. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis wristband when I knew she didn't even know to play tennis or cared to. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She looked like she was near orgasm from all of the excitement (a la Theresa).

Smiling with excited anticipation she purred, "I think this is all dear, let's go pay up to the cashier and leave".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it".

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman".

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Obviously I didn't get sex that night either. Apparently I'm not having sex for a long time to come.

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This is the work of some unknown Martian (who has all my sympathies). I have merely added some spice and written it in my style.