(a+b)^2

This is the last one, I promise.

We live in a society. And there are rules. These rules aren't static entities and do change with the times. We don't always agree with all the rules and neither should we. If we find a rule that is unfair or a belief that is unfounded we do question it and in time replace it with better and better rules.

One of the several rules that our society has in its wisdom decided that we follow is that we don't ask people certain questions. For instance, we don't ask someone their age. There are plenty of occasions where it is appropriate to ask someone their age. A bouncer at a bar, at your doctor's office, at your birthday party with friends, etc. What the rule forbids is asking that question to a stranger or someone who is not in familiar terms with you. And age is not the only taboo. It is not appropriate to ask someone how much they earn. It is impolite to ask if they are single. Or if they are straight/gay. When they last masturbated. If they were the one who farted just then. These are the rules and though we may find plenty of exceptional circumstances where these rules may not apply, these are the generally accepted norms that allow us to decide if a particular action is right. This is not controversial. There is literally no one who is arguing that we should be allowed to accost random strangers in the bus stop and ask them any of the taboo questions listed above. And strangers who do ask questions like 'Where do you work or How much is your salary' are dealt with cold stares and polite excuses.

In this context, I made a feeble and unassuming announcement that we add to this list of questions, a few more. Specifically, these questions were regarding race - like asking a brown man you met at a party where he is originally from because he replied Australia and doggonit he doesn't look "Australian". Or asking a Chinese person who just introduced himself as James, what his "REAL" name was. I didn't come up with these rules. These rules aren't mine. Brown people collectively said that not accepting their answer to where they were from (USA, Australia, etc) and demanding to know what kind of "not white" are you was unacceptable. See for instance, Hari Kondabolu

Asian people in a similar fashion put together a video . Asking Asian, typically Chinese people what their real/ Chinese name is, according to some Asian people, ANNOYING. And they don't want you to do it. They find it patronising and did I already mention it, ANNOYING.

Are you still with me? It is not really that hard to follow, is it?

Well! I got called out for being an evil tyrant who wants to impose his will on others and tells white people what they may or may not do. Really! I was told by someone who shall remain un-named that I was denying them their rights. Asking Chinese people their Chinese name was her (yes it was a her) right and it shall not be denied.

Firstly, I don't want to impose my will. Let's be clear on that. And it is not MY will. It is the will of Asian people who have been asked too many times to spell out their names to curious Georges. Her argument that she is not like the other white people who ask silly questions because a) I am nice or b) I don't have a racist bone in my body are not relevant. Her intentions don't matter only because the guy hearing the question not only hears the question but hears the historical baggage associated with the question.  One can't tell an Asian person that they were wrong to be offended. One can't say I am using "nigger" as a term of endearment and don't mean anything racist by it. The words have historical association with slavery and racism that is irretrievably entwined with it. Your intentions however pure don't matter to the person at the other end. And that is why they (not me) would like very much for you to stop asking them annoying questions. If you don't mind. Pretty please. With a spoonful of sugar.

Our discussion did get heated and I was making my point passionately, arms flailing, voice raising, hair pulling. After that, we walked our own ways, she believed that "We agreed to disagree". After all we are all entitled to our own opinions. You have yours and I have mine.

NO! That is not how it works. To be clear, my arms are flailing and voice is raising not because 'Thou shall always listen to me'. It is because I am frustrated that I am not able to get something so self-evident to me across to you. I am saying (a+b)^2 is a^2 + b^2 + 2ab. And after an hour of explaining how the question can be reframed as (a+b) times (a+b) and that is how we arrive at the answer, you keep insisting that the answer cannot have a 2ab term. We don't walk away saying  that your answer is  a^2 + b^2 + 2ab and my answer is  a^2 + b^2 and that is that.

Of course I admit that not everything is so mathematically certain. Just to give another example of a different discussion: At the height of the re-re-return of the Woody Allen sexual abuse scandal, she made the point that she wouldn't watch his movie because he was a paedophile. I argued that I would still like to watch his movies given that a) he wasn't found guilty and b) that people conflate pederasty and paedophilia while the pathologies associated with both are completely different and that Woody was guilty of pederasty for marrying a girl much younger than he, it doesn't automatically follow that he must also be guilty of abusing Dylan. I also wondered if art can exist beyond the artist or if the two are inseparable. Can we appreciate art, say Polanski's Pianist without excusing his behaviour. To me, this is a complex question with no definite right and wrong and while I argued that we could watch Woody Allen's films, I made no argument that we SHOULD watch them. I can understand that some people have strong opposition to watching a film made by Woody and feel that by watching his films they are in some way legitimising his bad behaviour. I accepted her argument and we did walk away saying that you watch his movies and I won't. I wasn't going to impose my view that one can watch a movie by Woody Allen without being called a paedophile-supporter and she didn't call me a paedophile-supporter.

Going back to our Asian conundrum - Could she ask an Asian person what his/her "real" name is? Yes. Should she? No.

Eppur si muove

White man blindness

The White Boy (refer previous story) is at it again. This time he wrote,

Oh boo hoo, Bill Maher makes a sexist joke to understand Hamas. What is worse slapping a woman or rocket attacks, suicide bombings, or vowing destruction of Israel? Sorry Slate, did the naughty comedian says gross words

That statement is self-explanatory but to give you a bit of context: Bill Maher, a comedian wrote on his twitter

Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who's trying to kill u - u can only hold her wrists so long before you have to slap her

To which Amanda Marcotte of Slate wrote

Maher is making light of the serious problem of domestic violence. But he’s also trading on the tired stereotype of women as irrational children who need to be brought in line by more stable men.

And the white boy springs to the defence of  beloved comedian's misogyny. He unhelpfully adds that the problem is  "Slate.com's unthoughtful reactions to comedy". And asked about the author he dismissively explains that she writes about rape culture and abortion issues. Yeah! right. And he extolled the courage of HBO in their crusade for freedom of speech and how comedians should be allowed to say what they want.

This is an acute case of White man blindness, a serious medical condition where you are so blinded by the privilege afforded to you by your white-ness and penis, that you dismiss everything everyone else feels or does as trivial. Exhibit A

True feminism would look at the real problem: Hamas. I stand for freedom and not being offended by a fictional jokes or fictional games. Hamas is the feminist issue allowing honour killing, forcing headwear, and real restrictions. Instead, in the West we are worried about the good man saying bad things? Really? What is worse?

Firstly, "I am not standing in solidarity with the asshole comedian, I just like comedy" argument. This argument presupposes that "I like comedy and you don't". If only you had my sense of humour, then you would see that it is not offensive and be A-ok with making jokes about slapping bitches. Hahaahaaaa. So funny.

To say that "If you want Maher to stop saying bitches you have to stop all bigger and greater evils. Solve the middle-east crisis and come back to me about offensive tweets" is such a bogeyman argument that I am left speechless.

I know white men are so used to defining what gets to be what that it may come as a shocker but they don't get to define what is or is not a concern of true feminism. They don't get to say "Look at them Arabs, they treat their women so bad, you should fight against it. Not domestic violence. Or equal pay. Or misogynistic jokesters".

There is always going to be evil in some corner of the world and to say this or that is worse, why are we bothered about the small stuff in our backyard, is frankly pointless. We could and should fight against oppression in the middle -east AND misogyny in our society. It is not an either-or choice. And really how can we have the moral high ground  when our society treats women badly; 1 in 3 women face domestic violence, #YesAllWomen has shown that fear of sexual assault is a real thing in the western world we live in. Even women at the highest echelons of power, the CEOs and PMs are treated poorly. To say that I should be allowed to make jokes about slapping women into line until Arab women can drive is just silly.

The second argument is a keeper: "Am I not in my rights to have an opinion over an overreaction over an opinion, or is she above criticism too?"

This "Stop oppressing me" is such a classic white man response to being called out that it is by far my favourite. It comes in several flavours. "I am just saying", for instance is a tasty one.

Of course you have rights to spew your opinions you poor little white boy. I am saying that you are phoo-phoo-ing Amanda's opinion as irrelevant and over-reaction when they are neither. She is not immune from criticism but what exactly is your criticism, except rolling your eyes and saying Women, eh? Neither Maher nor Amanda are foreign policy experts but Amanda does write about gender politics and she has written a fair criticism of Maher.

If a reasonable post about the offensive tweet which is not shrill, angry, doesn't call for his head, doesn't generalise men as dicks gets a "BooHoo grow a pair", then what exactly can women do to get heard. When women who write about gender issues in media or games get ridiculed by men (like The White boy), their opinion gets de-legitimised and overlooked.

I am tempted to call The White Boy a dick and an asshole but as soon as I realised that he suffers from the debilitating illness of White man blindness, I am moved to sympathy. Poor fellow! he can't help himself. It is a genetic disorder and he has to live with this disability all his life.  

The Germans are coming

Tip to commentator: Do not, I repeat do not say, "The German attack is advancing. They have been threatening all day. The German raid is unstoppable. They are about to strike". 

An 80 year old man in Alsace who turned on his Philips pocket transistor, clutched his heart, keeled over and died.

- context: Germany thrashed Brazil 7-1 at the 2014 World Cup

Perils of flying while brown

Salon has a beautifully written article on the Perils of flying while brown. I have nothing much to add except that I too was a victim to this widespread phenomenon. 

It is all Mitchell Johnson's fault. It so happened that Mitch had a glorious summer with the ball and wiped the floor with the Poms. His mutton chops were credited for his Ashes glory and I in a MoM1 decided that I would grow one as well. And it just happened to be that I got my new passport in that period and the photo on my passport has me sporting a menacing looking "Mitch Mo". The Mo that terrorised the English (and later the Saffers) made me a terrorist suspect. Quelle horreur.

I have travelled widely and no one has made airtravel more painful than the US. Despite being a brown man (clean shaven brown man if I may add), I have an Australian passport. But that counts for little for the TSA. Also to note, I am not Muslim. I still got pulled aside for multiple checks; twice in Sydney and again when I landed in LA. Random, they called it but the odds of me getting the number three times in a row is as remote as a treeful of Monkeys with the finished version of Hamlet that they have typed out one key at a time. 

As courteous as the TSA agents were to me, and they were really friendly, way beyond the call of duty, chatting to me about wine in Napa valley when I spoke of my time in Bordeaux, talking about the differences between NYC and LA (side note: LA, apparently rocks), etc. I simply cannot accept the "better safe than sorry" excuse that is often touted to support this profiling. I travelled to London not that long before and I wasn't frisked and prodded to get into the country. Long live the Queen. The US as a nation is like a paranoid schizophrenic; seeing enemies everywhere and danger in everything. I have much to say about their foreign policies and the Military Industrial Complex but suffice to say that other countries that have been victims of terrorist attacks too, as London has been and Madrid and Mumbai, and those cities and those nations do not possess the same amount of crazy. 

It is not about the inconvenience of a five minute delay but the humiliation of being a suspect for nothing more than the amount of melanin in my skin. The "Othering". The making you fear for your safety. The silencing in the name of freedom. (I almost didn't write this a month after my trip to US, coz the NSA may be (definitely) reading it). 

Anywayz, read the article from Salon. And NSA, please please don't spy on me. I am just a geek who once had a mutton chop tache.

1  Moment of Madness